The IAU decides.
After multiple revisions, they establish the three following criteria:
"A Planet...
- "is a celestial body that is in orbit around the Sun."
- "has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape."
- "has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit."
Objects meeting 1 and 2 but not 3 are now "dwarf planets"...which are in fact not planets at all.